Are these getting longer? Yes, yes they are. Still don’t know what I’m doing, and having a blast. How many errors did I make this week? Look, we’re just not gonna talk about it… OK?

Sporky, the DM

Warning:

This campaign exists within and contains spoilers for, the Dungeons & Dragons adventure: Candlekeep Mysteries. Each individual character has their own story to tell and I am merely the arbitrator of this world. Are all the details correct? No. It’s my John Dory and it’s better than a kick up the backside.

Find more info about our Adventurers and NPC’s.

Read along at your own peril.

We left our adventurers taking a short rest in Fistandia’s Mansion. Find the books fam, we gotta get outta here!

The air is filled with a mix of savoury aromas, hinting at the culinary wonders that graced this enchanted table in ages past. Eryn, always the daring soul, eyes a sandwich with a skeptical expression—one that includes questionable eggs of uncertain origin. Does this stop him eating it? No but I’m pretty sure we were all expecting that.

Caelum, on the other hand, spots an opportunity amidst the lavish display. His deft fingers dance along the sidetable, swiftly pocketing 20G worth of silverware. The act is both a lighthearted heist and a nod to his past. Sticky fingers, this bloke!

Eryn and Caelum talked about the time difference they seem to be experiencing. Pondering, they consider how Matreous had been missing for days, but that he said he’d only been about 30 minutes. With a dawn of comprehension, they realised that they may have been here for days already.

My parents are gonna be so mad….

Tizva

With the scent of adventure still lingering in the air, and a newfound sense of urgency, our adventurers depart from the comfort of the dining room to the serene ambience of the Arboretum. The Arboretum unfolds before them like a magical tableau, with open, arched walls allowing the breeze to carry the sweet aroma of the blossoms. Paved paths wind their way through the larger-than-expected landscape, creating a labyrinth of botanical wonders. Glowing globes, the celestial spotlights of this garden stage, hang above the foliage, casting a surreal light that turns the flora into a vibrant kaleidoscope. Dang, it smells good in here!

As they explore, invisible Orange Faerie Dragons take interest from their perch in the trees, their presence announced by the mischievous giggles that accompany them. Like spectral performers in a mystical other-worldly circus, the dragons dart and weave through the air, their laughter a whimsical melody.

One of the cheeky dragons, unable to resist the allure of the party, decides to play a prank. It flits towards Catrin, the epicentre of the unfolding drama, and exhales a puff of euphoric gas. The air around her sparkles with ephemeral joy, but to everyone’s surprise, Catrin stands unaffected, her wisdom saving throw proving to be a shield against the faerie dragon’s whimsical antics. Big brain energy.

Undeterred, the dragons continue their aerial acrobatics, laughing like ethereal jesters. Can the party see this? No, but we’re describing it for those following along at home. The party, caught between the beauty of the Arboretum and the invisible faerie hijinks, watches in a mix of awe and amusement. Farts of dragons, perhaps?

As the euphoria-filled air slowly dissipates, the party exchanges glances, half-expecting the garden itself to burst into a song-and-dance number. Alas, the only performers are the invisible faerie dragons, who, having delivered their mirthful mischief, vanish into the foliage like mischievous sprites.

After the whimsical encounter in the Arboretum, the party retraces their steps, a motley crew of adventurers on a journey through the mystifying corridors of the magical mansion. Like actors rehearsing their lines, they move with a sense of purpose, determined to uncover the secrets hidden within these enchanted walls. Secrets, indeed!

Ascending an ornate wooden staircase, the party reaches the top, only to be greeted by an unexpected guardian of sorts—a suit of armor standing proudly on the landing. The armor, a decorative masterpiece, holds a longsword with the elegance of a medieval knight awaiting a royal decree. Its helmet gleams, and the sword, though clearly ornamental, carries an air of genuine quality.

Quentin, the ever-curious daredevil of the group, takes the lead in attempting to communicate with the stoic guardian. With a dramatic flourish, he attempts to jump, reaching for the armor’s chest in an attempt to provoke a reaction. The armor, being as responsive as a particularly uncooperative stage prop, remains steadfast, its silence only adding to the theatricality of the scene.

Undeterred, the party gathers around, brainstorming ideas like a quirky ensemble in a comedic play. There’s talk of deciphering secret commands or reciting ancient mantras, but the real breakthrough comes when someone suggests removing the longsword from the armor’s grasp.

With the precision of a heist movie plot, the party collectively decides to liberate the sword from its decorative prison. Tools are drawn, and with a combination of finesse and brute force, they manage to free the weapon from the armor’s metallic grip. The sword, now an artifact of victory, is passed around like a prop in a magician’s act.

Then comes the pivotal moment—the daring move that will go down in the annals of their mansion escapade. Catrin, with a glint of mischief in her eye, channels her inner barbarian and decides to push the armor over. With a mighty shove, she succeeds, and the suit of armor, once an imposing guardian, crashes to the floor with a clatter.

As the dust settles and the party catches their breath, Caelum, ever the voice of reason, observes the fallen armor and deadpans,

I think it’s just a suit of armor.

Caelum

The statement, delivered with the timing of a seasoned comedian, elicits a round of laughter from the party. In the aftermath of their encounter with the decorative knight, the adventurers stand amidst the wreckage, the fallen armor a testament to their ingenuity and unorthodox problem-solving skills.

Regathering themselves, our adventurers press on – only to find themselves in the heart of another enchanting chamber – the bedroom of the enigmatic Fistandia. As they push open the door, they step into a realm of opulence and whimsy.

The room is open and airy, an ethereal symphony of colours and textures. A majestic canopied bed, adorned with rich scarlet curtains, claims its corner like a throne in a fairy tale. A jug and washbasin, standing on top of a chest of drawers, hint at the coexistence of practicality and luxury. And there, on a scarlet easy chair, a fluffy black cat reigns supreme, napping with the regal nonchalance that only cats can muster.

The walls tell tales of grandeur, with a large painting dominating one—a gold dragon perched heroically on a mountaintop, a majestic guardian surveying its realm. The room itself seems like a stage set for a magical play, each element meticulously chosen to create an atmosphere of mystique and charm.

Tizva, known for her prowess in both battle and bonding, couldn’t resist the allure of the regal black cat reclining on the scarlet easy chair in Fistandia’s bedroom. With a gentle and confident approach, she extends her hand toward the feline monarch, offering an invitation to a royal audience. To her delight, the cat, with an imperious stretch, accepts the gesture. Tizva, now cradling the fluffy sovereign in her arms, settles onto the floor.

The scarlet carpet becomes a makeshift royal court as Tizva indulges in playful exchanges with her newfound companion. The room echoes with the joyous symphony of a warrior connecting with a four-legged sovereign, their interactions unfolding like a heartwarming scene in a whimsical tale within the magical mansion.

As Quentin and Caelum stand amidst the opulence of Fistandia’s bedroom, their eyes fixate on the large painting of the gold dragon perched heroically on a mountaintop. A sense of familiarity tugs at the corners of their minds, like a forgotten tale on the brink of remembrance. The dragon, its scales glinting in the imaginary moonlight, seems to trigger recognition, sparking a conversation between the two adventurers. As the duo contemplates the mysterious familiarity, the dragon in the painting seems to wink knowingly, its majestic presence hinting at connections between the magical worlds within and beyond the pages of imaginary tomes. Or was that just a reflection of the light?!

Drawers beckon the party to explore, promising treasures both elegant and utilitarian. The top drawers unveil a collection of well-made robes, a testament to Fistandia’s taste for the finer things in life. The lower drawers, however, reveal a more practical side, housing tunics and dresses fit for the varied adventures of a mage.

Eryn, searching with purpose, has a curious detail catches his eye—a puzzle book with a single, enigmatic letter “E” emblazoned on its spine. The book sits nonchalantly on the chest of drawers, as if challenging the adventurers to uncover its secrets.

As the party steps into the small room adjacent to Fistandia’s quarters, they are immediately greeted by the acrid scent of astringent chemicals. The air hangs heavy with the promise of scientific mischief, and the room unfolds before them like a chaotic symphony of magical experimentation. Long wooden tables stretch across the space, cluttered with a cacophony of vials, beakers, and flasks holding liquids and powders of every hue. Books, leaning precariously between glassware and volatile concoctions, seem to be engaged in a precarious dance with the alchemical elements.

Yellowed paper charts and blackboards, displaying complex formulas that could baffle even the most astute scholars, cover the walls like arcane graffiti. It’s a veritable alchemist’s playground, and the remnants of spectacular failures, evident in scorch marks and acid burns on the furniture, narrate tales of experiments gone awry.

The party, ever inquisitive, delves into the chemical wonders. The books lining the shelves whisper secrets of chemical science and alchemy, Eryn revealing the ambitious goal of transmuting materials into gold. The room, once a laboratory of grand ambitions, now bears witness to the fallout of magical misadventures.

In the heart of the room, on a table laden with alchemical curiosities, stand four clay figures. Ranging from rudimentary forms to a lifelike, winged creature that seems to slumber, they represent the elusive art of homunculi creation. The party, absorbing the knowledge within these walls, gains insights into the magical craftsmanship that brought these clay beings to life.

Amidst the scientific chaos, the party discovers treasures both valuable and whimsical. Caelum collects reagents, worth 50 gold pieces, beckon to be collected, and amidst the glassware, two vials hold potions of healing—a fortuitous find in this alchemist’s haven. Caelum gives one to Tizva and one to Eryn. Propped against a large beaker, the puzzle book with the letter B on its spine seems to be an unexpected guest at this arcane feast, a puzzle waiting to be solved.

In the aftermath of their exploration, the adventurers stand amidst the remnants of alchemical ambitions, their pockets filled with both knowledge and treasures. The adventurers press on.

After a quick backtrack, the adventures find themselves standing at the threshold of a room that seems like a sanctuary for the wonders of the natural world. Dominated by long wooden tables, each one a tableau of glass vessels, books, and scientific apparatus, the room echoes with the hum of intellectual curiosity. Cabinets with glass doors line the walls, displaying a mesmerizing collection of specimens—from skulls and bones to mounted animals, rocks, minerals, dried plants, and creatures suspended in liquid-filled jars.

Above, a celestial ballet unfolds, as colourful globes circle each other in a cosmic dance, just below the ceiling. The far wall, an astronomical tapestry, is almost entirely occupied by a map of the night sky. A golden sunburst radiates from the center, illuminating a closed door beneath. The map, a celestial puzzle waiting to be deciphered, bears witness to the grandeur of the heavens.

The cabinets, like secret repositories of nature’s mysteries, hold treasures that span the realms of biology, geology, and the arcane. The tables, scattered with measuring devices and glassware, stand as laboratories of discovery. Books on natural sciences, astronomy, astrology, physiology, and natural philosophy share the stage with complex charts and mathematical formulas, etched on a mobile blackboard that seems to float amid the intellectual ballet.

Among the volumes of knowledge, Tizva discovers a puzzle book with the letter T on its spine, quietly nestled on the middle table. A token of the intellectual pursuits within this room, it hints at riddles and mysteries waiting to be unravelled.

As the adventurers absorb the richness of this intellectual haven, they sense the interconnectedness of the specimens, charts, and star maps—a symphony of knowledge waiting to be played. Little do they know, the answers to celestial enigmas and the keys to unlocking the next chapter of their adventure lie in the intricate dance of stars depicted on the map. The room, a sanctuary of intellect and discovery, stands as a testament to the magical mansion’s ability to weave science and magic into a tapestry of wonder.

In the dim-lit room adorned with arcane knowledge, the adventurers set their sights on the treasure trove of tomes.

Eryn, nimble-fingered and hungry for wisdom, carefully plucks three books from the shelves. His hands dance over the titles as he adds them to his collection:

• Chronicles of the Ethereal Veil by Aeliana Moonwhisper: A weighty volume promising the unraveling of secrets woven into the fabric of reality. Moonwhisper challenges readers to perceive magic beyond the ordinary with cryptic diagrams and spells.
• Aetheric Alchemy: Unraveling the Mysteries by Thorne Blackthorn: A treatise that explores the fusion of traditional alchemy and ethereal realms. Aspiring alchemists are promised a journey into uncharted territories where arcane and material forces intertwine.
• Whispers of the Astral Winds by Seraphina Starweaver: An anthology that compiles accounts of astral travelers and dreamweavers. Filled with vivid descriptions of otherworldly landscapes and encounters with astral beings, the book serves as both a guide and a cautionary tale.

Meanwhile, Catrin, with a flair for the grand and the cosmic, selects books that echo with the vastness of the multiverse.

• Cosmic Convergence: Navigating the Multiverse by Archmage Elowen Stormcaller: Stormcaller’s opus blends the study of arcana with the art of planar travel. It serves as a comprehensive guide for mages seeking to traverse the vast tapestry of existence.
• Gateways Between Realms by Captain Orrin Skyshaper: Skyshaper’s tales of portals, rifts, and gateways scattered across the cosmos promise both a travelogue and a practical guide for navigating and manipulating planar passages.
• Ephemeral Enchantments: Understanding the Arcane Flux by Archmage Voltaire Shadowspire: A seminal work on the mysteries of the arcane, Shadowspire’s book delves into the ephemeral nature of magical energies, providing a comprehensive understanding of how magic weaves through the fabric of reality.

Tizva, with a penchant for tales that bridge the ordinary and the magical, adds her chosen volumes to the growing collection:

• Folkloric Echoes: Tales from Beyond by Isolde Moonwhisper: A collection that explores the intersections between the mundane and the magical, weaving enchanting tales that offer insights into the ways folklore intertwines with realms beyond.
• Legends of the Shrouded Realms by Thalassa Seafoam: Seafoam’s tome compiles myths and legends from realms hidden in the mists of time, unveiling deities, creatures, and epic adventures that shed light on the mythic tapestry that binds the multiverse.
• Pantheon Reimagined: Gods Among Mortals by Xander Stormforge: Stormforge’s exploration of mythological pantheons reimagines gods as mortal beings, challenging conventional beliefs and inviting readers to ponder the nature of the divine.

Lastly, Caelum, with a thoughtful gaze and a quest for celestial insights, makes his choices:

• Stellar Paths: Navigating Fate’s Celestial Tapestry by Celestia Starwhisper: Starwhisper’s guide to astrology is a celestial odyssey through the cosmic dance of stars. Aspiring astrologers will find themselves enlightened and empowered to decipher the language of the cosmos.
• Whispers of the Forgotten Realms by Lyra Moonshadow: Moonshadow’s anthology breathes life into the forgotten realms of ancient tales, weaving a captivating tapestry of gods and monsters that resonate with readers, connecting them to the fantastical origins of the multiverse.
• Divine Chronicles: A Sacred Codex by Hierophant Seraphiel Sunbearer: Sunbearer’s sacred codex serves as a beacon of divine wisdom, offering a comprehensive guide to the principles and rituals of a revered religion. With each page, Divine Chronicles invites believers into a profound communion with the divine, providing solace, guidance, and a roadmap to spiritual enlightenment.

As the adventurers gather their chosen tomes, the air in the room seems to hum with the weight of knowledge, and the books themselves whisper promises of mysteries waiting to be unveiled in the pages that stretch out before them.

As they push open the door to the adjoining room, they’re greeted by a vast, open space, a cosmic canvas painted with the brilliance of a thousand stars.

Five telescopes stand proudly on bronze plates in the next room, their gaze fixed upon the celestial tapestry above. The room, a masterfully crafted illusion, mimics a moonlit grassy knoll. Springy turf yields beneath their feet, and when the door seals shut, the illusion becomes a celestial reverie, the night sky unfolding in all directions. The stars, with an almost fierce luminosity, cast their radiant glow upon the enchanted scene.

Eager to unravel the mysteries of this celestial playground, the adventurers turn their attention to the telescopes. With a sense of childlike wonder, they attempt to manipulate the instruments, discovering that changing their orientation is as easy as rearranging pieces on a game board. However, sturdily mounted to their pedestals, the telescopes resist any further whimsical attempts at relocation.

In the midst of their celestial play, the party realises that this stellar room is more than just a visual feast – it’s a puzzle waiting to be unravelled. The telescopes, when aligned with the five brightest stars on the map, reveal a cosmic secret. As the party adjusts the telescopes, aligning them with the celestial markers, the radiant light of the stars converges through the lenses, refracting onto a clear crystal ball at the center of the room.

With the final alignment achieved, the crystal ball becomes a beacon, focusing the starlight onto a seemingly innocuous wall. Like a portal to another realm, a secret door materializes – a passage to a mysterious area.

As the party steps through the celestial gateway, they find themselves in a room starkly contrasting the cosmic wonder of the Planetarium. Here lies a chained library, books bound in iron covers secured by chains that bind them jealously to their shelves. The room, sparsely furnished with a plain wooden bench and a reading desk built into the shelves, echoes with the hushed whispers of enchanted volumes.

Atop the reading desk, a book with the bust of a mage on its cover beckons, its secrets guarded by the possessive enchantment of the chained library. The adventurers, undeterred by the magical guardianship, prepare to explore the depths of knowledge and unveil the mysteries that lie within the pages of this enchanted collection—an otherworldly library that demands respect and caution in equal measure.

This particular bookshelf, like a literary chimera, responds to his curiosity with a life of its own.

With the bravado of an overconfident detective in a noir film, Quentin decides to pick up a book. Little does he know that this isn’t your ordinary bedtime story – these books bite back. The moment his fingers graze the spine, the library springs to life, animated chains snaking towards him like overenthusiastic pets.

Quentin, caught in a moment of startled surprise, throws a punch at the encroaching library, a haymaker with all the finesse of a tavern brawl. The first punch proved futile – The library, being a construct of enchanted books and chains, avoids his clumsy assault with an agility that would make even the most nimble rogues jealous – but the second delivered a resounding blow, leaving the bookshelf visibly damaged.

Caelum, the eldritch master, unleashed his otherworldly force with an eldritch blast, adding to the assault. Almost simultaneously, Catrin extended her ghostly hand, dealing spectral damage to the malevolent bookshelf.

Eryn, armed with his trusty boom stick, enters the onslaught, causing further damage to the animated adversary. The library retaliated, attempting to strike Quentin, but the agile adventurer skillfully evaded the attack. Tizva, wielding a Warhammer with determination, swung at the bookshelf, missing but creating a resounding impact that seemed to instil fear in the animated structure. Did that bookshelf just jump?!

Quentin, undeterred by the lack of success with his fists, drew his sword and attacked the defiant bookshelf. A swing and a miss, followed by a frustrated punch, were accompanied by a humorous proclamation,

This is why I don’t read!

Quentin

Caelum continued to contribute to the magical barrage with another eldritch blast, and Catrin persistently employed her ghostly hand. We got them level 1 vibes, fam!

Eryn, unfortunately, missed his mark in the chaos of the battle. The library, resembling a comical Howler from a certain magical lore, made a feeble attempt to retaliate, resulting in a single piece of paper pathetically fluttering out. Tizva, undeterred by her earlier miss, swung her Warhammer once more, this time landing a decisive hit that shook the floor beneath them.

Seizing the moment, Quentin delivers his final blow. In a final, dramatic move, he whips out his dagger, a glint of determination in his eyes. With a swift and precise strike, he dislodges a book from the animated chain – a tome titled “Martial Attack Techniques.” To everyone’s surprise, the book, still attached to a length of chain, now functions as a +1 flail. Bonus!

The magical library, perhaps slightly humbled, resumes its static existence, leaving the adventurers with a newfound weapon…

…. aaaaaand that’s where we are going to leave it for this week. I honestly didn’t realise how long this had gotten. What can I say… I like the words. I hope you are enjoying this, as I’ve enjoyed writing it.

What happens next? You’ll just have to turn up next Sunday and find out!

Till next time.