I’m sick of making lemonade. RTOTD #080924

It’s been a while and I don’t even know where to begin.

Many things have not gone as I’d planned and now that I’m finally through the roughest patch, the people around me seem to be spouting metaphors. I genuinely feel like they aren’t even listening to what I am trying to say.

When life gives you lemons…

Like me, you’ve probably shared some vulnerable side of yourself with someone and they have inevitably said something like “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” and you are left there thinking – “That’s not helpful.”

It feels like it’s just a catch-all for not knowing what to say. I get that the point of the metaphor is turning a negative situation into a positive one – suggesting that when faced with difficulties or challenges in life, we should just find a way to make the best of it; but I feel like that glosses over some real trauma that is happening here. Like right here, right now.

A genius is a man who takes the lemons that Fate hands him and starts a lemonade-stand with them

What about when life has given you so many lemons and you’ve made lemonade. Then you made lemon butter. Then lemon cake. And you dehydrated some. Pickled some more. All while still making lemonade; and the lemons keep coming?!

Sometimes that’s what life can feel like. At least, that’s what it feels like for me.

The last 18 months feels like it’s been a never ending river of shit to deal with; which culminated in a literal river of shit. I feel like I have struggled in all aspects of my life; work, personal growth, learning, finances, social – you name it, there’s been challenges there that I’ve had to deal with.

I feel like I am not succeeding in so many things. And yet, I feel better now, than I have in months.

It doesn’t feel like anything has really changed; but I think I feel more capable of dealing with it.

Life can be tough sometimes. Maybe you’re feeling sad, stressed, or just plain worn out. That’s okay! We all feel that way at times. But instead of just squeezing those lemons into lemonade, let’s talk about some other things I’ve been doing to feel better.

Exercise comes in many forms. Explore them.

When I spoke to my doctor about how I was feeling, they asked me whether I had been exercising.

You don’t need to hit the gym for hours or run a marathon to feel the benefits of moving your body. Even a short walk around the block or dancing to your favourite song can make a difference. When you move, your body releases feel good chemicals called endorphins, which can boost your mood and energy levels.

Thanks Doc.

I made some half-assed comments about it being hot and summer, that I was busy with work and made a feeble promise to “really work on it”. Spoiler alert – I went home and played video games in blissful air conditioning for many hours.

Something they said must have stuck though, because as my mood got lower and, my lemony stress increased, I found myself seeking reprieve from it all, in any form. Fifteen minutes of music as I took my elephant for a walk – yes, please! Headphones and heartbreaking ballads while I struggle to keep up with the increasing workload of chores – oh god yes. As my world grew smaller, I attempted to seek refuge with others in the community, which led me to join the local roller skating group.

It started out really terribly. There are people there. I hated it. And there are people there. I managed 4 laps on my first go and now, a few months later, I’m able to skate for about 30 minutes a week before I collapse into a unfit heap on the side. And there are people there.

I still really struggle with the people bit and it’s good that I can just skate without chatting or engaging. There is a couple of minutes on each end – the Hi and Hello’s, the Bye and See you next week – and I’ve been able to handle that. Someone wants to talk during the session? I just tell them I’m really focussing on not falling over and they leave me to it. An Introvert’s heaven; near people but not having to talk to them very much.

These days, the time I spend walking down by the creek is precious to me. I enjoy watching my dog explore all the different smells and seeing him watch the ducks as I think of ridiculous duck gang stories that he is absolutely contemplating. I listen to music that I enjoy and think about the things bothering me.

I don’t think I’m anywhere near a fitness level to visit a gym, but I must admit I have really enjoyed working on increasing it. I’m not suggesting you become a gym-bro or trying to suggest you aren’t a gorgeous human (because you are such a great human!) – I’m just saying that you, too, might benefit from getting outside and walking. Or going bouldering. Or do whatever you like to do!

I just find myself looking forward to walking down by the creek or having a quick dance with the cockatoos down at the fauna park; weird self-care tasks that I am oddly fond of now… but when my doctor suggested I exercise more, these all seemed so stupid and ridiculous.

It’s taken me months, but I’m challenging my thoughts – Instead of sitting on the couch and feeling sad, I get up and try going for a walk around the block. I try to feel the sun on my face and the breeze in my hair. Take deep breaths and look at the trees and flowers around me. I’m usually surprised at how much better it makes me feel!

Remeber though; You don’t have to run a marathon. Just find something fun that gets you moving.

Find who you are, through your hobbies.

It sounds incredibly simple for someone to spout that you should just spend time doing hobbies; because, for me, it doesn’t feel like hobbies are really going to help me deal with the literal shit-ton of lemons in my life.

Are hobbies really worth it? I don’t want to be terribly shit at something, but at the same time – I want to learn so many different things. I figured I would try setting some long-term self improvement goals; being able to cook new things, continuing on with education and learning a new skill. Literally any new skill.

Unfortunately, where I live, there is no “how to improve your cooking for competent cooks” so it makes it difficult to have someone teach me. I guess it’s all up to me then.

I decided that this year I wanted to learn how to make pizzas – which sounds really simple, until you realise you don’t actually know how to make pizza dough. After watching a plethora of videos, it was time. That was it – the big moment of making the dough. It genuinely sucked; but I learned something.

Each time I made dough from then on, I learned something too. Sometimes the dough was too thick or tough to stretch out; classic sporky being in a rush. Another time the dough was fine, but I had added too many toppings, which made for a soggy pizza (you let me down, pineapple!!) Let’s not even talk about the night I burnt it… but the point is, I kept trying.

Over time though, each pizza night got a little bit better. It’s taken many painful months of making pizza regularly to be able to say that I can make a half-decent pizza.

Earlier this year, I am proud to say I completed an education course that will hopefully help me pursue my other long term goals of working for myself. I’m hoping that the additional studies that I’ve taken on this year will help further this cause.

I paint those silly paint-by-numbers kits with my neighbour. We chat about the gossip in town and have tea. We compare our works of art to precious, valuable things – even though they are absolutely terrible. It’s not about the art, it’s about the chats.

Set your Boundaries and prioritise the self in self-care.

I’m the first person to admit that I really struggle with boundaries. I want people to like me, but that often leads to them taking advantage of my good nature for their own gain. It sounds selfish and I’ve had to learn that it’s OK to be selfish sometimes. Let’s start with the self-care though…

I like to think that I am like bamboo – really bendy, until I snap.

Sometimes you need to say no to that unpaid overtime, and prioritise your own self care. A good boss will call this prioritise a work/life balance and it might mean that you need to say no to your boss, or reinforce your expectations with a friend.

Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it. I feel like 15 minutes is a reasonable amount of overtime to expect from an employee on any given day; beyond that really shows a lack of resource management at the higher levels in an organisation. The new Right to Disconnect laws are evidence of this.

Self care isn’t just about bubble baths and face masks (though those can be great, too!). It’s about doing things that make you feel good and recharge your batteries. This could be anything from reading a book, meditating, or spending time in nature. The important thing is to find activities that help you relax and feel more like yourself & the only way you can do that is by being selfish about your self-care.

Spending time with people we care about can make a big difference in how we feel. Playing games, doing crafts, or just talking can help us forget about our problems for a while and have some fun.

For instance, I really love to play Dungeons and Dragons; something I’ve been unable to really do over the last six months. I used to run a game every Wednesday night and play with some friends. We’d laugh, joke around, and enjoy each other’s company and it was a great way for me to relax and feel connected to people who aren’t my colleagues. You can also try joining a sports team (does shooting count as a sport?) or a craft club; which is more my speed. It’s a fantastic way to meet new people who like the same things you do, given you are all there doing the same things.

The setting boundaries part is a little harder. It means we have to talk about our feelings and help the people around us understand what we need to thrive, not just survive.

Talking about your feelings might feel scary, but it’s one of the most important things you can do. When you open up to someone you trust – whether it’s a friend, family member or therapist – you’re letting out all those bottled-up emotions. It’s like releasing the pressure and giving yourself room to breathe. And who knows? The person you talk to might have some helpful advice or just be a good listener, which can make a world of difference.

It’s important to talk about how we feel. Keeping our feelings inside can make us feel worse. Find someone you trust, like a family member or a close friend, and tell them what’s on your mind. Remember, the people who love you want to help you. Don’t be afraid to let them in.

Know when it’s time to put your hand up for help.

When life keeps throwing lemons at you, it might be a sign that something deeper is going on. Sometimes our problems are bigger than we can handle on our own and that’s okay. If you’ve been feeling low for a while, it’s worth talking to your doctor about how you are feeling. They’re meant to be like the experts at figuring out what’s going on with your body and mind and are a great resource for advice and other treatments that make us feel better.

Remember how I kind of ignored my doctor months ago? I didn’t really want to admit that I needed help and it wasn’t until things got really bad that I actually listened to anything that they told me. Don’t be like me. Ask for help, it’s OK. Whether it’s helping you with sleep problems, stress, or something else, they can give you the advice and support you need. It’s not about being weak – it’s about being smart and taking care of yourself.

I used to feel sad all the time. I didn’t want to get out of bed or do the things I used to love. It was a long time before I decided to talk to my doctor about it. They had seen that I was struggling – even though I had been telling that I was fine. It turns out I am not immune from depression. The doctor gave me an anti-depressant and suggested I talk to someone about how I was feeling. Now, I am starting to feel like myself again. Remember, asking for help is a strong and a brave thing to do! At least, that is what I am telling myself.

You are not alone.

There’s always someone ready to lend an ear.

The next time life gives you lemons, remember that you don’t always have to make lemonade. Try moving your body, setting some boundaries and prioritising your self-care. When things are hard, reach out for help.

Life can be hard but you are not alone.

Till next time.